Sep. 9th Dr. boggan performed the decompression surgery. I woke up sick and in pain. I spent 4 days in the hospital and was so glad to be home....I have to start first my somehow expressing my gratitude and great fulness for my husband. He was with me the entire process. He has the broadest, strongest and most wonderful shoulders. He protected me for "well meaning" advice givers that would rake me across the coals. He was there to hold my hand when I couldn't sleep because the pain was too much. He has been the most amazing father to the kids, picking up what I wasn't able to do. He supported me and loved me perfectly. When I first woke from the surgery I was throwing up...he sat there holding the bucket for me and gently wiping my face. I will never forget the look in his eyes...love. He was not discussed or repulsed or put out. It was like there was no where else he would rather be than right there with me, to make sure that I was ok. I once told Justus that I knew that God loved me because he gave him to me. He has been there to bring me food or ice packs or just sit and hold my hand. To me it is a picture of God's love....he knows me completely and yet he loves me completely. To me it is God's gift to me to know in my heart that if my husband loves me this way, how much greater is His love for me, and God must love me to have given him to me.
When I am better I want to be better. I just want to exude love, but especially to my husband and kids. I want to build them up and help give them wings. I want them to feel blessed that I am their mother and my husband's wife. I want to be beautiful and take care of myself in a healthy/balanced way so that I can look and be what God created and a wife Justus is proud to have on his arm. I want to keep a clean and cozy, inviting home that my family and friends love to be. I don't want to go back to just barely treading water and having a short fuze. Help me Lord to be that.
I also have to thank my Lord and King, my God whose perfect timing and support and love has healed so many broken places. I am in awe of Him every day. On the way to the hospital for surgery my daily verse came through and it was psalm 91:4-7. I don't think there could have been a more perfect verse for me that day. I cried when I read it and his peace just passed over me. It was interesting during the weeks leading up to the surgery. I had some people continuing to push me asking what God was telling me about the surgery, mostly meaning should I or should I not get the surgery, even suggesting that my faith wasn't strong enough. I even became frustrated with feeling like I wasn't hearing from Him. But then I did on two different occasions. His voice was small and still and simply said that he was with me, and the second was that he was not disappointed or mad at me....oh the sweet relief he gave me and such a burden he lifted from my heart. My Father who are in heaven hallowed be thy name! My Father who is my intimate friend, father , protector, and savior. praise be thy name
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