So I am concerned for the kids...Every now and then they ask a question about whether or not I will get the surgery or not. I can tell that it is affecting them and that they each have their own way of dealing with it. Brooks(10) is very even keel and happy go lucky. He will randomly ask questions...Can you die from this mom, What happens if you do the surgery, etc. Chasen (6) He is more of and introvert. He doesn't say much, but he hears everything and he has been acting out some. Finley (4) has been acting out the most. When other people are with her or watching her they say that she has been great, but she has been mean to me. I know that doesn't sound right that a four year old child could be mean to her parent, but I don't know how else to describe it. She got into my make-up and smeared it all over my bathroom, she kicked me in the stomach and then when I told her to stop she had a look on her face and tried to do it several more times.... Not sure what to do. I don't feel good enough to do much even if I knew what to do.
My husband Justus has got to be the best husband and Father to ever live. He is an extremely hard worker, he is supportive and protective, he loves me and our kids. He is available and present. I look at him and I don't understand why?? Why God does he have so much pressure on his shoulders? Why does he have a wife that is going through this and unable to relieve some of the burden, instead I add to his burden. There hasn't been many breaks for him. Not many notice what he is and who he is. Why God do I see so many questionable husbands and fathers getting breaks and pats and being lifted up??? Here is my husband who just continues to be in the trenches and overlooked...
I am soo tired.
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