Almost two years ago I began experiencing a wide range of symptoms....I had weird headaches, vision problems, dizziness, nausea, blacking out, etc. When my husband finally convinced me to go to the Doctor. My primary physician found nothing so I was sent to the Ophthalmologist. There it was discovered that I had severe swelling of my optic nerves and sent to the hospital to run scans for a suspected brain tumor...no tumor was found. Off to the neurologist where it was discovered that I have a chiari malformation and I received a diagnoses of pseudo-tumor cerebri. I was told that the malformation I was born with so it had nothing to do with my current issues. The pseudo-tumor diagnoses is vague at best. It is basically fake brain tumor, there is swelling in your brain for unknown reasons, so I was put on Diamox in hopes of reducing the swelling of my optic nerves. Fast forward to today. My symptoms have continued to get worse and have become a daily problem. This past fall we switched insurance and I saw a new Neurologist who said that it was the Chiari Malformation that was causing my problems. The problem for me is that I have had it my whole life so how could this be the problem?? It was also discovered that I have a pineal cysts, which I was told not to worry about. I was then put on a variety of medications to no avail and to added side effects. So I decided to tell my Dr. in Jan. that I was fine. I was tired of different diagnosis and medications and seeing now improvement. In April I began a fast decline....the headaches have become almost unbearable. So I started researching and went back to my Dr. Turns out that the Chiari is a birth defect that doesn't present symptoms until your twenties or thirties and everything I have is classic to this diagnosis. Finally an explanation of what is going on!!! The only way to treat is surgery and possibly removing part of vertebrae. Also the surgery is not guaranteed to take away and relieve my symptoms. This could be a life long problem that continues to get worse. How can I do this for ever? Should I do the risky surgery? By the way I was told that I never had pseudo-tumor because I have physical reasons for the swelling.
I am not sure how I feel...I am on Norco for the pain and I am scheduled to see the neuro-surgeon next week. I have so many questions and not a lot of answers. I am looking to God, He seems so far away right now and I can't help but feel I am disappointing Him. That I should be better, that I should be handling this better. I hear of other people facing tremendous difficulty and people say how strong they are, etc. But I am scared. I am scared for my kids and my husband. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.. The 23rd Psalm has always been my favorite. . I guess that is why I titled this blog "Through the Valley". I feel right now that I am in the "valley of the shadow of death"
Have you seen the movie "You've got mail"? Do you remember the part when she is typing and she says that she just wants to send it out into the void....I guess that is what I am doing. Only I am not sending out to the void, but to God.
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